Marriage Counseling

We human beings are a product of the circumstances and environments that we are raised in. And inherently all of us resist changes to our stable existence in some way or the other be it at an emotional, psychological or physical level even if we know it very well that certain changes at certain stages of our life are very essential to our happy existence and prosperity. One such change is marriage. It changes the whole perspective of the two persons involved for the rest of their lives.

Once married they don’t remain two individuals anymore but are considered a couple. Every single happiness and sorrow will be shared and divided respectively and make the bond a lasting one. It is a known fact that a happy person contributes to the overall growth and prosperity of a family and in turn a happy family contributes to the well being of a country. Thus it is very important that the two persons in a marriage should be happy.

Right from the inception of the idea to get married, couples exhibit different tendencies like, anxiety, grief, fear, stress , nervousness, brooding, depression, guilt pangs, feelings of being burdened or being uprooted etc. depending on each circumstance. But these different emotions should not take root in either of the partners for a stable and long lasting alliance. Thus it becomes imperative to free the mind of any negative thoughts that the couple is harboring in his/her brain and highlight and inject the positive aspects of a marriage into her psyche.

Family Marriage Counseling is just the right answer for the dilemmas a couple undergoes pre, during and post marriage. We help couples find a balanced and mature attitude in dealing with the changes brought about by marriage in the following stages:

A.Pre Marriage Counseling

B.Post Marriage Counseling

C.Divorce Counseling.

D.Single Parenting

E.Re-Marriage Counseling.

A.Pre Marriage Counseling : It involves counseling done on a couple and their respective families before a marriage and includes the following:

1.Our highly qualified and experienced psychologists peep inside the thoughts and feelings of the concerned couple and answer their queries on a one to one basis helping them get rid of any negative emotional baggage that they may carry into the marriage .

2.The next step is to dilute any pre existing notion of fear that surrounds an alliance.

3.Once the couple is brought into a neutralized plane , they are given the scope to express their expectations and responsibilities in the marriage towards each other and towards each other’s respective families.

4.Upon knowing their expectations and responsibilities as they perceive, the counselor helps them to narrow down their list of expectations which may be unrealistic in the long run and detrimental to the alliance. Again, their list of perceivable responsibilities could be added or harmonized into the whole thought process to encourage them into a more caring, sharing and loving person for each other.

5. The next step is to guide them to understand how to relax using different relaxation techniques and give an outlet to their hidden inhibitions about marriage.This relaxation process also involves instilling a sense of confidence in the couple to take the new change with a positive frame of mind and look forward to a satisfactory married life.

6.Once counseling of the couple is over the respective families too needs counselingfor the new change that is going to affect them in more ways than one and make them aware of those. The in-laws’ attitude towards the bride should be harmonized as to the acceptance of the new member into their family and recognize her as an identity within the family to give her confidence in her new role as a responsible wife, daughter-in-law, sister –in-law, aunty etc.On the other hand the brides family should be counseled to overcome any feeling of loss upon giving away their daughter in marriage. Such counseling helps them to recognize the positive aspects of the union and thereby highlighting the fact that they rather than loosing a daughter is gaining a son and his family.

B.Post marriage Counseling: In post marriage counseling , married couples are given assistance on working out a realistic set of solutions to any problem that might have crept up in the marriage. Such problems could be real or imaginary depending on each circumstance and involves the following stages:

1.Identification of problem : The first step entails the identification of the problem, if any whether imaginary or real that is affecting the relationship.

2.Addressing the problem: The next step is to address the problem with a pragmatic approach and find a set of viable solutions.

3.Implementation of Solutions: Once the solution is worked out the couple is given time to integrate those solutions into their life and bring about positive changes into the marriage. After giving them a generous amount of time, if everything falls into place to bring the marriage onto the right track then, the marriage is saved and made stronger.

4.Separation: If despite all efforts, the marriage does not seem to be anywhere reaching a resolution then , it is becomes very important to consider a separation. Sometimes separation between a couple brings back the missing affection in a marriage and works wonders.

5 .Contemplation of Divorce: If none of the above mentioned steps prove worthwhile, it is better to settle for an amicable dissolution of the marriage and find ways to get a cost effective means of divorce.

C.Divorce Counseling: Divorce counseling comes into play once all efforts at reaching a stable resolution fails or backfires in a marriage. It becomes imperative in certain situations and circumstances where the relationship has soured beyond any scope of repair and rehabilitation. For example, it is better to dissolve a violent

marriage and put an end to the suffering of the victim spouse involved.

In a divorce, apart from the lives of the couple , the child or children born from the marriage , the respective families of the couple etc are affected in different ways. Each member of the family has to be made aware of the new equations in the relationship with their share of responsibilities for an amicable divorce. The cost of fighting a long drawn court battle is enormous both economically and emotionally. So, if there could be any scope of a out-of-the-court settlement then, that option should be explored to find a quicker way out of a bad marriage. Settlement of issues relating to alimony, share of responsibility in bringing up the children involved etc, should be studied in detail and reached at a final resolution.

D.Single Parenting: In situations where the children can be either with their mother or their father post at a time, post divorce , the concept of single parenting comes into play.
Children in a broken marriage are victims of anxiety, fear, purposelessness , and despair in varying degrees. It brings a sense of insecurity in the children with respect to their future. Thus, to minimize the negative implications of the divorce on the children it is very essential to find out as to which parent is more capable of giving them a more balanced and resourceful life. If the child happens to be a toddler, it is advisable to give parenting right to the mother till it reaches a certain age when it can stay with either of them depending on other circumstances of each case. The parent who gets custody of the child has to be prepared and counseled to work double hard to ensure a good upbringing of the child.

E.Re-Marriage Counseling : Counseling for remarriage is the next step to explore once a divorce settlement comes through. That entails freeing the person from the clutches of the negative experience that he/she/ had in the previous marriage and giving her hope that there are chances of a happy life in a new marriage provided the two individuals are compatible to each other from a long term perspective.